Worst day of my life..

Pretty ironic when on my way to the hospital for a check up I got hit by a four wheel drive traveling at 60 km...  
He ran thro a red light and smashed into me. Someone up above was watching me that day, nothing broken and still alive. Doctors told me that it was a miracle that I survived, that I shouldn't be alive.
It gets me thinking about how short life really is. There were a few people that laughed at the whole thing, said I deserved it, other say they wish it was them not me. 
I lay in bed every night replaying what happened over and over in my head. There are moments in the day where I just cry. There's times I wake up in the middle of the night in tears. 
A lot of people say I act to casual about getting hit, but really I just try and cover up the pain. I laugh and joke about it to make myself feel better but when I'm alone, all I do is cry. 
I cry because I feel so alone. 
I cry because I'm in so much pain
I cry because I forgot what happiness was. 
I get filled with fear when a hear a car horn, or when I cross the road. 
I wonder if it was done on purpose.
So many things I ask myself, over and over but the answers will never come.